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An Interview with Barkha!

December 17, 2010

The recent Radia tapes controversy has left many famous personalities high and dry. Among them, is Barkha Dutt whose conversations with Nira Radia have been leaked. randomprocessing (RP) has an exclusive interview with Her Holiness Barkha Dutt (BD) where she dismisses the allegations leveled against her.

RP: Hello Barkha.

BD: Hi.

RP: The Radia Tapes controversy seem to have hit your unblemished image. What do you have to say about that?

BD: Look, first of all, when you are talking about tapes related to me, please refer to them as Barkha Tapes.

RP: Oh, Ok. Sorry. So are the Barkha Tapes authentic?

BD: No. They are not.

RP: But you just asked me to refer to those tapes as Barkha Tapes?

BD: Ya. So? Don’t argue with me now. I am always right.

RP: Very well. Are the tapes doctored then?

BD: Could be. The tapes are all taken out of context. I was explaining Nira Radia how to change her caller tune.

RP: What? Change her caller tune? But the tapes seemed to suggest something else?

BD: Duh! What are you? A toddler? Pay attention! Didn’t I mention that the tapes are doctored?

RP: Fine. Then why were you asked to talk to the Congress party?

BD: Because I am a good journalist.

RP: Eh? What?

BD: What?

RP: What has you being a good journalist got to do with you talking to the Congress party?

BD: See, being a journalist, I have a lot at stake. Khabar is important for me.

RP: Ya, I understand. But again, why were you specifically asked to talk to the Congress? We all know that you have a bias towards the Congress party.

BD: Do you want me to run a smear campaign against you on NDTV? I will also implicate you in a few sting operations if you don’t stop asking me these questions.

RP: Fine! Why did your channel, NDTV, not cover the Radia Tapes, Barkha Tapes controversy?

BD: My wish.

RP: And then, you had a 40 minute verbal diarrhea defending yourself on your channel.

BD: Yeah. I am awesome. I totally love how I looked in that show. Also, that’s my favourite dress.

RP: So you shot that show for the dress?

BD: Partly, yes.

RP: Great. And you got offended when Manu Joseph called you pretty on the show?

BD: Well, I am not used to smart men complimenting me. So I didn’t know how to react.

RP: So what next?

BD: I was planning on lunch. Are there any decent restaurants nearby? I am on a diet, so a simple place with healthy food would do.

RP: Er, I meant, what next as in, about the Tapes. You suing Open Magazine and Outlook?

BD: I don’t know. I cannot comment on that one yet. But I am thinking of taking some action against Outlook. They published a really unflattering photograph of me. I don’t look that fat, ya.

RP: Er, you are a little fat, no?

BD: That’s it. Watch out for the Breaking News with a sting operation on you today evening.

RP: I am sorry. You are not fat.

BD: Fine. I’ll think about not airing the sting operation about you.

RP: Thank you. There are other allegations about you as well. You and NDTV sued a blogger, Chyetanya Kunte, for decrying your 26/11 coverage?

BD: Ya, whatever.

RP: And you still harp on about freedom of speech and all, eh? Smooth.

BD: I am a brilliant journalist. All these rules don’t apply to me. It’s either my way or the highway.

RP: Sure. And what about the comments made by The Chief of the Naval Staff, Admiral Sureesh Mehta, that ‘ Three soldiers died and the Colonel, who yielded to a woman reporter’s entreaty to fire the gun‘?

BD: I don’t think he was talking about me.

RP: He was. You were the only female reporter at the Kargil war.

BD: Ah well, what can I say? I am a femme fatale.

RP: Whoa?

BD: I think I have all it takes to be a Bond Girl.

RP: Indeed. Thank you Barkha for taking time out for this interview.

BD: Oh, just publish a good picture of me along with the article.

*Barkha’s phone rings* Haan Nira, nothing ya, just chilling…..

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. December 18, 2010 3:23 pm

    amazing stuff dude .

    cheers.

  2. Srikar Damaraju permalink
    December 18, 2010 6:58 pm

    Hilarious.!

  3. January 9, 2011 12:34 am

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
    “My wish”
    cracked me up!
    Awesome post man 😀

  4. Venkatesh Atluri permalink
    February 12, 2011 9:11 am

    dude…shud hv posted her d link saying ‘must read’…wat say

  5. February 23, 2011 10:26 pm

    //I was explaining Nira Radia how to change her caller tune.//
    Hilarious stuff man! Hahahaha loved it.

    • February 23, 2011 10:28 pm

      This media I tell you, wrongly implicated Barkha. Poor thing.

  6. Krisnendu permalink
    March 1, 2011 10:29 am

    Very informatively creative

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