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An open letter to BSNL.

March 18, 2010

To whomsoever this may conceran.

Sir/Ma’am,

If you are reading this, I am pretty sure that you are NOT using BSNL DataOne service. For we all know it is impossible for the internet to work for more than 5 minutes. And, if you are indeed using DataOne, then my sympathies are with you for being stuck with BSNL DataOne, I’d also like to mention, that for severely incompetent employees like yourself, you totally deserve this.

My experience with DataOne started 2 years ago, prior to which I was using a very slow, yet reliable service called YOU Telecom. I was excited at the prospect of getting DataOne, as it is (rumoured) to have the fastest speeds. Being a compulsive and a chronic internet addict, with heavy downloads, I was waiting to be blown away by the sheer awesomeness.

Blown away, I was. The first week, the modem refused to connect to the internet. A few hundred phone calls later and only after I promised to buy the BSNL lineman a luxury yacht, the internet seemed to work fine. I was by now making a list of movies, documentaries, series I should download. The first week was bliss. I was basically gloating at the speeds which I got. I guess anyone would be amazed by the speeds of BSNL after using YOU Tele, which gave me speeds of around 8KBps. I used to take screenshots of my awesome speeds and send it to my friends who were suffering with lower speeds, or worse, still stuck with dial-up. I am somehow convinced that I collected a lot of bad karma by doing that. Now the very same friends are sending screenshots from the US of A with download speeds ranging around 1MBps.

The problem with my BSNL is, they use such archaic systems and equipments, that I am pretty sure I saw a plaque which read ‘Inaugurated by M.K Gandhi’ during one of my visits to their exchange office to lodge a complaint.

Ah, talking of complaints, reminds me of my all time favourite conversations. Here goes,

Me: Er, hello? BSNL Exchange?

Exchange Dude: Ya. Sup?

Me: Dude, the net ain’t working.

Exchange Dude: Yeah, I know. It won’t.

Me: Whoa! Dude!? What gives?

Exchange Dude: *hangs up*

The above conversation changed my view towards the world. I am now a firm believer in World Peace, Nuclear Disarmament and Non violence.

Another thing which amazes me is, whenever the lineman arrives home, to fix the connection, the damned internet ALWAYS works when he is there. This totally creeps me out. Is it something about the lineman which makes the internet work? Does he emit some magnetic signals which makes the internet work when he is around? I guess this, Bermuda triangle, and how I lost my wallet in Tirupati would remain as the unsolved mysteries in my life.

Three broken Modems and one disfigured router later, I have resigned to the fact that BSNL DataOne is not for me.

So Sir/Ma’am, you’d do well to send a lineman pronto to take away all the wires, and reconfigure the port.

It has been a pleasure using DataOne, and I owe my increased patience levels to you. What 20 years of breathing exercises couldn’t do, BSNL did in a matter of weeks. I am forever indebted to you for that.

I hope you keep connecting India in this manner.

Thank You.

P.S : If you are indeed using BSNL DataOne as your ISP, then BSNL – Best hai tere liye.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. March 18, 2010 8:12 am

    Even I seriously wonder if the linemen emit some kinda signals…
    My operator suggests that I delete the cookies n clear the cache 😛
    I give her a wtfy-duh expression…do that n tell her that there’s no change…so,she sends her technician…he comes,he sees n he does the same..and voila…it picks up! 😀 😛

  2. Navaneeta permalink
    March 18, 2010 12:55 pm

    6 Mbps!! hoorayy 😀 😀 😛 ……..never the less, hilarious post

    • Pradyut permalink*
      March 19, 2010 5:36 am

      @ Karthik: I know! It’s really strange. Invariably happens ALL the time.

      @ Navaneeta: A classic case of rubbing salt on wounds 😐

  3. Srilatha permalink
    March 19, 2010 7:17 pm

    Good one…. 🙂

  4. July 25, 2010 9:07 am

    Excellent.
    But these morons won’t wake up to social media in the near future I guess.

    Hence I feel my recent tweets for MTNL will also go in vain.
    My case , like I mentioned, is that the customer care guy asks you to hold while he checks the problem.
    you stay on hold for like half an hour (or even more) and then he hangs up. [while even I hung up a couple of times. What do u expect me to do when I’m not even sure if he’s still connected or not! ]

    Really, this is very pissing off. u’re paying them, but u still don’t get what u want.

  5. June 25, 2011 10:22 am

    Get your facts right about the – “they use such archaic systems and equipments” part!

    Most of the calls and data flows through the BSNL systems and networks, even if you have a connection sold by some private company!

    • June 25, 2011 3:13 pm

      Erm, I am not sure if I am the one who should get my facts right. Private ISPs do not use BSNL’s ports. They lease a line (if required) from BSNL, but the equipment is their own.
      I’ve had the (mis)fortune of working with BSNL on a project after I wrote this post, so I can confirm. 😉

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